A Sinking Feeling

Here's the latest update on the Zombie 5k: there will be no Zombie 5k.  I just received an email from Monster Runs saying the 5k has been cancelled due to a sinkhole.  Seriously...only in Florida.  This was not just a small sinkhole in the middle of the course somewhere.  This sinkhole was large enough to close down the entire back half of the course.  Am I upset?  Am I demanding my money back?  Am I overly disappointed?  Uh...no, no, and no.   

Don't get me wrong, I think it would have been fun and I would've been proud to check this goal off the list, but I have discovered that I am NOT a runner....not even close.   The event itself would have been fun, getting chased by Zombies would have been scary and hilarious, hanging out with my friends at the after-party would have been a blast!  But the actual running part?  Not so much.  

I have been in pain every single day since I started my C25k training several months ago.  My old torn achilles injury, which never healed correctly, has been a consistent issue for me.  But despite the excruciating pain, I still pushed through.  I completed the C25k program, and then continued to work on building up my cardio by getting on the elliptical a few times a week.  I tried running inside, running outside, running with special apps to make it more interesting, and I made the world's best playlists known to man, but alas.....I hated every second of it, if I am being honest.  It hurt.

I was proud of myself after each "run" (read: fast jog), but I never successfully made it through an entire 3.1 miles straight....not once.  I would always hit a wall around the 2 mile mark and could never seem to break through that.  I literally could almost not walk some days after running.  So no matter how proud I was of myself, or how encouraged I was by thinking of the end goal, I knew deep down that I was miserable.  I was committed though.  I was going through with this Zombie 5k come hell or ruptured tendon.  

I always knew I was not a runner.  I would tell people that I was not a runner and felt no shame in it.  I never understood the point of running.  It's painful, with or without an injured heel.  Not in the good way either, like when you're sore after a workout.  I'm talking skeletal pain.  Shin splints, heel spurs, bad backs and hips bones, etc.  For years, whenever I would see someone running down Bayshore, I would always think to myself "Um, okay....why?"  Unless I am running to get the last pair of deeply discounted Jimmy Choos or I am being chased by an ax-wielding clown, I just don't see running in my future.

With that said, this journey is about branching out, being the best me I can be, trying new things, and breaking through barriers that are holding me back.  I decided to change my mindset.  I chose to think and act as if I were a runner.  I got rid of the "I am not a runner" mentality, and I gave it a shot.  You are what you say you are, after all.   I would look at running sites, and window-shop for cute running clothes.  I visualized running the Disney Marathon.  I was excited....well, that is until I wasn't.  

The weight wasn't really coming off as fast I had thought it would.  I have lost weight, of course, but not enough to make it worth the excruciating pain I was putting myself through.  It's a tricky situation.  I needed to run to help get the weight off, but my extra weight made running painful and difficult.  Imagine running while carrying a huge, cumbersome, 40 lb. bag of dog food.  That's what it's like.  You get winded, tired, and sore 10x faster when you are carrying extra weight on your body.  Add a torn tendon on top of all that, and yeah...no bueno.  Regardless, that's been my life the last few months.  Oy.

Needless to say, I am not disappointed that the race was called off.  Not even in the slightest.  In fact, I am actually elated.  The impending doom is finally over!  The misery has ended!  I can spend the time I would have spent running, doing something that I actually enjoy instead!  For example, I have a lot of fun at Zumba and it burns crazy calories.  I like swimming, and riding bikes, and I adore yoga.  These are all realistic and sustainable forms of exercise for me.  They are things I will continue to do for years, long after I reach my goal weight.  That's the key to  success for me.

In the end, I regret nothing.  I knew running was probably not my thing, but I would have always wondered had I not tried.  I am proud of myself for sticking with it, despite the millions of reasons I had for quitting.  And you know, on day one of my C25k I was supposed to walk 5 mins, run 2 mins, then walk 5 mins again.  That's it.  I couldn't even run those 2 minutes that first day.  I could only run 90 seconds.  Now I can run almost 2 miles.  So I have gained something from it all.

To my friends, family, and readers out there who enjoy running - you are truly strange birds to me, but you inspire me none the less.  As for me though, in the future I will get my Zombie fix simply by watching the The Walking Dead....instead of just feeling like the walking dead.  

Onto the next challenge!  Rock on.